The 9
Holes that make up GolfKon were designed to
blend in with a deck and provide green ground
cover in a backyard that refused to grow grass.
What was initially just a one-hole bank shot
(now Bank Hole 3), turned into 2 extra tee
boxes, then an additional 3 in another portion
of the back yard, and finally retro-fitting
tee-boxes on the original three to create 9
separate holes. As you'll see, each hole plays
drastically different with obstacles and
traps littering the course".
"The Big
Easy" is a straight forward 18 foot shot that
should get you off to a great start. Melanie The
Frog's house is the only obstacle to avoid, but
unless there are drugs or alcohol involved, she
rarely comes into play. There are four Par 2's
in GolfKon and this is the only one that
averages under-par.
"Evil
Elvis" is a relatively easy birdie with a right
to left lean the entire length of the hole, but
the inclined hole can turn a second shot into a
sixth before you know it. The height of the hole
is actually an illusion. The front lip really
isn't that far off the ground and the trick is
ignoring every instinct to over-strike and
imaagine it's flat. Without practice, this hole
is as maddening as it gets because a miss sends
your ball back to nearly the exact spot you just
hit it from. With a few practice shots however,
it's a par or better hole every time.
"The Bank"
is the first Par 3 and has hazzards that will
put you out of the running quickly. The 45
degree bank is only one foot and is preceeded by
a tree root on the left and a mound on the right
that can catapult you into a sand trap.
Going for
a hole-in-one here is extremely risky, but
possible if you hit the bank at the right angle
and speed. After the bank the ball contiaanues
the path of "The Big Easy" and this time,
Melanie The Frog's house will indeed block you.
With practice, this hole can be a regular
birdie.
Planet
GolfKon premiered at the 2016 March Madness
Match-Play event and was the first hole to offer
players a choice in starting locations. The main
hole measures in at 36 feet with obstacles
jutting into the green making your path to the
hole extremely narrow. However if you're feeling
lucky (or are really behind) you have the option
of trying the Supertee Zero Shot directly behind
the original tee.
A 44 foot
shot from 4 feet in the air, it is indeed a free
stroke 0 shot, so as long as you can keep it on
the green below, you have a great shot at a
Birdie 1 or even an Eagle 0... but if it goes
off-course your next shot (now stroke 1) is from
the same tee. It's enticing but do the risks
outweigh the potential reward? It's up to you.
Once on the greens however...
Your first
(and worst) obstacle are the court house steps
from Hole 7 jutting out. Hit these and you're
looking at a bogey.
Get past the
courthouse and there are 3 patches of Kryptonite
that can send your ball flying off-course.
Especially if you've hit the ball from the
Supertee..
Get past all
of that...
...and a
well placed shot off the Daily Planet building
and you're in. Talk about a complicated Par
2!
Everyone's
favorite hole, Golfko, pays homage to The Price
is Right's "Plinko" and makes you wonder: "Why
didn't they think of this before?" Each player
gets three attempts at Golfko with one wrinkle:
only the last ball you putt counts, not
the best of three. Ideally you hit it hard
enough to make it to the "Birdie Ramp" on
the right, but you risk an off-course which
could be a game-ending 6. Choosing whether to
use all 3 attempts for a better score is
extremely risky.
Depending
on where you are on the leaderboard, how you
play this hole can change completely. Tip: If
you get a birdie 2: keep it. I put a screw
in front of 1 to make it nearly impossible to
get. It can be done, but it's easily a 1 in 100
chance and only once in a tournament has it ever
happened.
The Gopher
Hole theme was dedicated at the 2015
Independence Championship. Previously named
"THAT &^*%& PYRAMID", the Gopher
from Caddyshack became the first
motion-controlled section of GolfKon to further
irritate competitors by sticking his head out of
a hole as you try to tee off...
Although
there's always a path to get past him, when his
head is up he blocks the path to the bank which
is the only way to set-up a birdie or get a
hole-in-one eagle. Once onto the green you're
met with an absolutely infuriating hole
placement ...
Atop a
trapezoid where your putting speed has to be
perfect or else it falls into the corner or even
worse? Comes RIGHT back where you started from.
This is a hole where you're thankful the score
caps out at 6 strokes. You could conceivably
never move on.
Easily the
most intricate of all the holes at GolfKon and
our first themed Hole dedicated on Memorial Day
2014 with two cast members from "Back to the
Future". Several details make this a crowd
favorite...
The tee
box houses the Time Display explaining that your
are presently in 1885 and you must "Golf to the
Future" in order to get to the hole. An elevated
1 foot wide green holds 3 seperate pipes leading
you further along with the final pipe (2015)
leading you directly to the hole.
Avoiding
the 1955 pipe is easy, but banking it around
1985 takes a bit of practice. If you happen to
hit the 1985 pipe marker your ball goes directly
in, coming out through the clock
tower...
As annoyed
as you are when this happens, it's still kinda
cool that your golf ball just shot out of the
clock tower.
The ramp
to the final pipe is not kind. Get up the ramp
but not over? Your ball will strategically roll
all the way back to 1985. Jump it however
(notice the hidden time machine from the 3rd
movie under the jump) and you just may be able
to trigger the coolest minigolf event on
GolfKon...
Yes,
attached to the 2015 marker is a 1/24 scale
replica Time Machine that will race into "time"
if you hit it just right. And if you can do all
that AND have your ball roll into the
cup?
...you
will have hit a "Soaring Eagle". It doesn't help
your score anymore than an eagle, but it sure
looks cool when you do it. And of course, the
best part about the hole? Here's the shot when
you're teeing off...
The word
"epic" tends to be overused these days, but as
you can see, this is no "overuse". A 100%
Screen-Accurate Delorean Time Machine on-course.
Every ounce of the word epic applies
here.
The final
two holes at GolfKon will send your ball flying
through the air when all you want to do is play
it safe. The Widowmaker 8th starts you at an
unstable 14 INCHES off the ground needing to
make it over the 1-inch ridge in either one hop
(playing it safe) or smashing it past to try for
the hole-in-one. If you hit the bank, you move
to the narrow portion which means you again have
to deal with the incline from Hole 2. There is
no avoiding how difficult this hole
is.
And
finally, the hole where legends are made. 3
of the 4 GolfKon Majors end here and a
hole-in-one birdie holds all the risk of
trying to get an eagle on the Par 3s. The
biggest obstacle (besides the fact that it's
a freaking ramp) is the angle requires you to
"one-hop" it off the deck, or to risk hopping
it off-course by banking it off the
right-side. To top it off, the trunk of a
Eucalyptus tree blocks your view of the hole
forcing you to lean over or back to see it...
then putting by memory.
The
rules for the course are as
follows:
Rule
#1 - Any ball hit off-course must be re-hit
from previous spot. If it lands on another
green, the player may choose to re-hit or
play through.
Rule
#2 - Any ball within 4 inches of a wall or
ridge may be moved 4 inches away.
Rule
#3 - If you accidentally tap the ball while
not in a backswing or golf motion, you may
place it back in the original position
without penalty. Stopping the ball before it
comes to a stop however, is an automatic
6.
Rule
#4 - 6 is the highest score possible for any
hole.
Plinko
Hole Rules:
A) You
get 3 attempts, with only your last (not your
best) attempt counting.
B) An
off-course shot on the Plinko hole is
considered a 6.
C) A
stuck ball on the Plinko hole may be moved 1
peg over (or through two pegs if stuck
between) with your putter.
A handy-video was made
explaining these rules and providing tips on
each hole...
Now, if you've ever been
called an asshole while playing sports, the
following is a further clarification of the
rules:
Rule #1 -
Any ball hit off-course must be re-hit from
previous spot. If it lands on another green, the
player may choose to re-hit or play
through.
Asshole
Addendums:
No,
you cannot take a drop.
Why?
Because this course is too small and it would
kill all skill involved in the shot if you
could just hit it as hard as you want and
then drop it wherever it went out of
bounds.
No,
even if you take a one-stroke penalty, you
cannot take a drop.
There
is no extra penalty for re-hitting the ball
from the previous spot. If your first shot
goes off-course, the re-hit is considered
"Shot 2". We know other courses handle this
differently, play there.
There
needs to be a consensus on where the previous
spot was before re-hitting the ball. Moving
it to a different spot will not be
tolerated.
If the
ball touches someone while off-course it's
"dead". If a person (or dog) touches it while
on the green, it's a re-do without
penalty.
If it
is determined you have someone jump in and
stop the ball on the green whenever you hit a
bad put, you will will absolutely face
disqualification. Stop being an
asshole.
The
dead-ball when off-course rule is
specifically for the asshole who would
get his friends to help him by kicking it
while off-course. Stop being an
asshole.
Rule #2 -
Any ball within 4 inches of a wall, ridge or
bridge may be moved 4 inches away.
Asshole
Addendums:
This
rule is usually "The length of the putter"
and indeed, if you're using one of the course
putters this is true. However, they make the
most ridiculous putters that are far bigger
than 4 inches, so borrow someone else's
putter or find what 4 inches is on yours.
It
goes without saying, there needs to be a
consensus on this as well.
Rule
#3 - If you accidentally tap the ball while
not in a backswing or golf motion, you may
place it back in the original position
without penalty. Stopping the ball before it
comes to a stop however, is an automatic
6.
Asshole
Addendums:
No one
cares if you didn't mean to. It's a
6.
No one
cares if it just hit your foot by accident.
It's a 6
No one
cares if the close quarters of the course
made it hard for you to get out of the way.
It's a 6. Think before you line up for the
putt.
If
there is no contact with the ball (even in a
backswing) it is not a stroke. I understand
in "real" golf it can be, but in
"real" golf you aren't forced to putt
left handed or around a clocktower on a ledge
2 feet off the ground.
Rule #4 -
6 is the highest score possible for any
hole.
The
Plinko Hole Rules:
1) Plinko
Hole 5 allows 3 attempts, with only your last
attempt counting.
Asshole
Addendum:
If you
touch the ball with your putter in any way
after you've set it on the tee, that is
considered an attempt. Once you've set it in
a circle on the tee mat it's ready to go. You
may pick it back up if you decide not to take
the attempt, but once it has been touched by
your putter, that is indeed an
attempt.
2) - An
off-course shot on the Plinko hole is considered
a 6
Asshole
Addendum:
You
may still attempt another try if it's not
your 3rd attempt, don't demand a 6 for a
player who hits it off-course on his 1st or
2nd attempt.
3) - A
stuck ball on the Plinko hole may be moved 1 peg
over (or through two pegs if stuck between) with
your putter.
Asshole
Addendum:
If you
tap it and it goes over a TWO pegs? It is a 6
for that attempt. Period. It doesn't matter
if you didn't mean to. If you're attempting
to put any english on it, you're already
cheating. Basically, when it rains or gets
hot or gets cold the pegs move a bit because
Adam chose wood, all you're doing is
helping along the shot that was already
falling.
Yes,
the board could've been done with metal
pegs but Adam mentioned something about
having a bed of nails in his backyard with
two kids seeming like a bad idea. Sue
him.
Other shit
that just has to be said:
You
must hit the ball off one of the holes in the
black tee. Stop being an asshole.
That
is the black tee on the hole you are actually
putting. Stop being an asshole.
If you
happen to put the ball on one of the 3 holes
in the tee and it's less than an inch off in
any direction, there is no penalty. If you
try and call something that, you're being an
asshole. What we don't want are people
putting the ball in far corners of the black
tee CLEARLY trying to be an asshole. These
rules aren't meant to penalize people who
couldn't feel the divet and set it next to
the hole.
You
must strike the ball with the head of your
putter. Stop being an asshole.
You
may not use the portion of some putters that
allows you to pick up a ball to indeed pick
up your ball and THROW it further down
the course. Stop being an
asshole.
You
cannot use any part of your body to strike
the ball, ever. Stop being an
asshole.
The
sandtrap does not count as part of the green.
That is off-course and you need to take the
stroke and re-hit it.
If you
kick, hit or break any part of the course or
one of the course putters out of anger, you
will absolutely face disqualification. Stop
being an asshole.
If you
scream at another player in the middle of
his/her shot or in any way attempt to
intimidate him/her while putting you will
absolutely face disqualification. Stop being
an asshole.
And
finally, we want the best players to play
GolfKon. That's the only reason we're making
these rules so intricate: we actually enjoy
the challenge of finding all possible angles
that a player would look to get ahead and
appreciate the passion to win. However
we swear to Melanie The Frog these
tournaments will get serious, and Adam will not
hesitate to erase a player from existence on
this site for being a general dick. This
is goddamned mini-golf for crying out
loud.
